Dear Mom,
As you probably didn't already know, former Vice President Gore was questioned about accusations of sexual assault in Oregon. Because he and Tipper had just announced that they would divorce, and because of his overall image as an upright-to-the-point-of-mockery kind of guy, it's been getting an enormous amount of play. Naturally, the religious right points to it as an example of liberal immorality and hypocrisy (hey, wouldn't want them to have the monopoly on hypocrisy, would we?) And indeed, if he did commit a sexual assault, who would care about his reputation, his career, his Nobel Prize, etc? Then today there was a small item in the waay back of the paper, noting that the Multomah County District Attorney had decided there was no justification for moving forward, that the former VP was, in fact, cleared of the charges. The DA listed some of the reasons. End of story.
Reason for rant - the original charges were up front and prominent in the paper, but the news that he was cleared was pushed to two column inches in the back, a page or two before "Dear Abby" and the local obituaries. I don't care whether it's Al Gore or John Smith. When someone is accused of a serious crime, especially the kind that ruins lives and reputations, if they are cleared, that should get as much press attention as the original charges.
End of rant. Talk to you soon.
Love,
b
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Dear Mom - Joanie's Gone
Dear Mom,
Anne called earlier to tell me that she found an 'In Memoriam' listing for Joanie Farrow in the high school alumni bulletin. A little research later, we found out that she had, in fact, passed away several years ago. She had married that guy she brought to North Carolina and they did move there as they had said they might. We still don't know the cause of death, but Anne agreed that if it wasn't a direct result of her old problems, it was probably an indirect one. She was only 57...
I know you're not remotely surprised, and I don't even know if you're that sad. Being me, my mind drifts to the great times, the crazy stories... Christmas morning, Joanie arriving with a big basket of gifts, joining you at the coffee... all those plays she treated me to, my first time at Sardi's... at some party or another at the house, her decision to give me my first driving lesson, and running her car into a snowbank because she was drunk. You weren't sure which one of us to kill, quite similar to the time I had the opportunity to treat her to the theater - Richard Burton in Equus - which turned into lunch with drinks, post-matinee drinks, dinner with drinks, and her getting us tickets to see Katharine Hepburn on Broadway (terrible play, but... Hepburn!) and then closing down Joe Allen's while I fed quarter after quarter into the best jukebox ever... she drove us both home and you were furious. I think I escaped execution only because I was younger - though not too young to know better - and because to this day I can count the times I've gotten really drunk on one hand.
I was mad at you when Joanie decided not to come to my wedding (because her father would be there with his new wife) but eventually realized I was really angry with her, for choosing her wounded feelings over such an important day for our family. Wounded was, in fact, a good word for her all along. Her story is one of sadness and waste, of anger and hurt, but also of generosity, warmth, imagination and impulse.
I love her. I know you do, too.
Again, no jokes today. I haven't lost my sense of humor, just... put it aside a little.
Love,
b
Anne called earlier to tell me that she found an 'In Memoriam' listing for Joanie Farrow in the high school alumni bulletin. A little research later, we found out that she had, in fact, passed away several years ago. She had married that guy she brought to North Carolina and they did move there as they had said they might. We still don't know the cause of death, but Anne agreed that if it wasn't a direct result of her old problems, it was probably an indirect one. She was only 57...
I know you're not remotely surprised, and I don't even know if you're that sad. Being me, my mind drifts to the great times, the crazy stories... Christmas morning, Joanie arriving with a big basket of gifts, joining you at the coffee... all those plays she treated me to, my first time at Sardi's... at some party or another at the house, her decision to give me my first driving lesson, and running her car into a snowbank because she was drunk. You weren't sure which one of us to kill, quite similar to the time I had the opportunity to treat her to the theater - Richard Burton in Equus - which turned into lunch with drinks, post-matinee drinks, dinner with drinks, and her getting us tickets to see Katharine Hepburn on Broadway (terrible play, but... Hepburn!) and then closing down Joe Allen's while I fed quarter after quarter into the best jukebox ever... she drove us both home and you were furious. I think I escaped execution only because I was younger - though not too young to know better - and because to this day I can count the times I've gotten really drunk on one hand.
I was mad at you when Joanie decided not to come to my wedding (because her father would be there with his new wife) but eventually realized I was really angry with her, for choosing her wounded feelings over such an important day for our family. Wounded was, in fact, a good word for her all along. Her story is one of sadness and waste, of anger and hurt, but also of generosity, warmth, imagination and impulse.
I love her. I know you do, too.
Again, no jokes today. I haven't lost my sense of humor, just... put it aside a little.
Love,
b
Monday, July 26, 2010
Dear Mom - Dreams, Politics and the Kindle Debate
Dear Mom,
I had two really great dreams last night. One dealt with reincarnation and a "Lost"-like waystation at the end, and the other... you and I were sharing a house and computer space, and discussing where to put things, and simple domestic stuff like when to shower, and at one point I said I actually liked doing my work in the same room as you and you smiled...
I am debating getting a Kindle. To which I can imagine you asking "WTF is a Kindle? Does it have anything to do with firewood?" And I would explain what it was until you cut me off and said you weren't that interested in the details. You actually would have benefitted from one near the end, when you couldn't balance hardcover books in bed anymore, but wanted to read the latest stuff from your favorite writers.
One of the things I miss most is talking politics and social issues with you - though Carolyn is very, very good at it! All that debate team experience, plus having a sense of humor I understand all too well... we have a governor and state house that have to be seen in action to be believed. It isn't that they're conservative - although they are! - it's that they're taking positions that don't make sense to me, and digging in their heels. They're dismantling education, blaming illegal immigration for everything from crime to the bad economy to the weak monsoon rains to... well you get it. They also lie - a lot. I remember how disillusioned you became by politics and I want to stay engaged, but it's hard. Everyone's concerned with one thing - making the other side look as bad as possible - and no one seems to remember what we're here for. The President of the United States is referred to as the 'enemy'. Have we lost all perspective?
I have found a conservative columnist I really like and respect - Kathleen Parker, She doesn't demonize, she doesn't lie, she makes her case and is willing to take on her own 'people' as she feels necessary. And Gail Collins - more liberal, just as honorable, IMO - is still funny and revealing.
I found lobster bisque. It isn't as good as Legal's - what is? - but it's pretty good. I'm using it for a pasta sauce tonight. Yes, I still eat too much pasta.
No jokes today - can't think of any - but tomorrow's another day, Scarlet!
Love,
b
I had two really great dreams last night. One dealt with reincarnation and a "Lost"-like waystation at the end, and the other... you and I were sharing a house and computer space, and discussing where to put things, and simple domestic stuff like when to shower, and at one point I said I actually liked doing my work in the same room as you and you smiled...
I am debating getting a Kindle. To which I can imagine you asking "WTF is a Kindle? Does it have anything to do with firewood?" And I would explain what it was until you cut me off and said you weren't that interested in the details. You actually would have benefitted from one near the end, when you couldn't balance hardcover books in bed anymore, but wanted to read the latest stuff from your favorite writers.
One of the things I miss most is talking politics and social issues with you - though Carolyn is very, very good at it! All that debate team experience, plus having a sense of humor I understand all too well... we have a governor and state house that have to be seen in action to be believed. It isn't that they're conservative - although they are! - it's that they're taking positions that don't make sense to me, and digging in their heels. They're dismantling education, blaming illegal immigration for everything from crime to the bad economy to the weak monsoon rains to... well you get it. They also lie - a lot. I remember how disillusioned you became by politics and I want to stay engaged, but it's hard. Everyone's concerned with one thing - making the other side look as bad as possible - and no one seems to remember what we're here for. The President of the United States is referred to as the 'enemy'. Have we lost all perspective?
I have found a conservative columnist I really like and respect - Kathleen Parker, She doesn't demonize, she doesn't lie, she makes her case and is willing to take on her own 'people' as she feels necessary. And Gail Collins - more liberal, just as honorable, IMO - is still funny and revealing.
I found lobster bisque. It isn't as good as Legal's - what is? - but it's pretty good. I'm using it for a pasta sauce tonight. Yes, I still eat too much pasta.
No jokes today - can't think of any - but tomorrow's another day, Scarlet!
Love,
b
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Dear Mom #1
I won't ask how you are - dead nearly four years and probably not much is happening.
My life is moving forward. Not only would you have wanted this, you would have insisted on it and been angry with me in your sarcastic, controlled way if it wasn't so. I miss the sarcasm, by the way. I find myself slipping into it more and more, in my own encounters. In fact, I think I'm starting to turn into you. Carolyn asked me if this was a good or bad thing and I said I think it's just a 'thing'. No value judgment needs apply.
I'm like you now in that I've gotten heavy - but I'm working on that. My face seems squarer, like yours, my glasses thicker, my expressions sometimes reminiscent... but I'm still me. I let my teeth go to hell, but now I've fixed them, which you never got a chance to do. I am getting a little more cynical, but fighting it. I'm still a redhead, and often remember you saying, "Redhaired or redhanded, I love you."
I'm teaching, finally. Started as a public school substitute - which you would have found truly funny - and now an adjunct instructor for the history department at the local community college. I have so many stories for you. My students are amazing, my classes so much fun... I created a course in Tudor/Stuart England and it was accepted. I teach it for the first time this fall! I know you found that era boring - you preferred the middle ages. Well, guess what? When I'm teaching Western Civilization I, I get into those units, too. And think about you and how you might have seen the material.
M and I are still going strong, celebrating 17 years this past February. Some people tell me that you didn't really like M, you were just being a good mother. But while I do think you were a good mother, I believe you really cared for M. She's gone to school to study the arts, especially photography, which is transforming her life.
We have a dog. You'd have lots of fun mocking us, because we anthromorphize the hell out of Banjo. However, I remember catching you unawares on one of your visits to us in Boston - or was it DC? You had expressed disdain for the cats the night before - and don't think I don't remember that you used to send us recipes and uses for a dead cat - but in the morning I came out to the balcony to ask if you wanted coffee, and you were saying to one of the cats, "You'd better listen to me - I'm your Grandmother!"
I'll be doing this from now on - or trying to - whenever something happens that makes me say 'I've got to call Mom and tell her' - just before I remember that I can't anymore. If there's an afterlife, do you think it includes internet access?
Love,
Barbara
My life is moving forward. Not only would you have wanted this, you would have insisted on it and been angry with me in your sarcastic, controlled way if it wasn't so. I miss the sarcasm, by the way. I find myself slipping into it more and more, in my own encounters. In fact, I think I'm starting to turn into you. Carolyn asked me if this was a good or bad thing and I said I think it's just a 'thing'. No value judgment needs apply.
I'm like you now in that I've gotten heavy - but I'm working on that. My face seems squarer, like yours, my glasses thicker, my expressions sometimes reminiscent... but I'm still me. I let my teeth go to hell, but now I've fixed them, which you never got a chance to do. I am getting a little more cynical, but fighting it. I'm still a redhead, and often remember you saying, "Redhaired or redhanded, I love you."
I'm teaching, finally. Started as a public school substitute - which you would have found truly funny - and now an adjunct instructor for the history department at the local community college. I have so many stories for you. My students are amazing, my classes so much fun... I created a course in Tudor/Stuart England and it was accepted. I teach it for the first time this fall! I know you found that era boring - you preferred the middle ages. Well, guess what? When I'm teaching Western Civilization I, I get into those units, too. And think about you and how you might have seen the material.
M and I are still going strong, celebrating 17 years this past February. Some people tell me that you didn't really like M, you were just being a good mother. But while I do think you were a good mother, I believe you really cared for M. She's gone to school to study the arts, especially photography, which is transforming her life.
We have a dog. You'd have lots of fun mocking us, because we anthromorphize the hell out of Banjo. However, I remember catching you unawares on one of your visits to us in Boston - or was it DC? You had expressed disdain for the cats the night before - and don't think I don't remember that you used to send us recipes and uses for a dead cat - but in the morning I came out to the balcony to ask if you wanted coffee, and you were saying to one of the cats, "You'd better listen to me - I'm your Grandmother!"
I'll be doing this from now on - or trying to - whenever something happens that makes me say 'I've got to call Mom and tell her' - just before I remember that I can't anymore. If there's an afterlife, do you think it includes internet access?
Love,
Barbara
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