Dear Mom - Happy Birthday?

Dear Mom,

So it's your birthday, and of course you are more on my mind than usual. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about your last birthday. For one thing, at the time I was kind of annoyed with you because you were so clearly in terrible pain, but you refused to go to the hospital because you 'didn't want to spoil the holidays'. As if the fact that you were in such pain and exhaustion that you couldn't even go to Anne's on Christmas Day wasn't kind of putting a damper on things? Certainly for you, at any rate, since you ended up with me, Michael and Mozart on the CD player. But now I realize that you knew you were dying and you wanted whatever you could get in the way of being around your family for one last round of Birthday/Christmas stuff.

Sometimes I'm a slow learner.

Something else I remember - you were so sick and had no appetite, but asked me to make a white lasagna and chocolate cream cheese pie anyway. And I gave you a decent portion of lasagna - not by Nanna standards, but still... - and a modest wedge of pie. And you ate it all! That made me really happy. Not just because I'm vaguely narcissitic, but that you could take just enough pleasure in food to enjoy it...

Things are going pretty well here. I never got into the whole crazy estrangement Carolyn and I went through over the last few months - you'd have told me you didn't care, except that I was upset - but we're pretty close to fine, now, but each with her own brand of mild wariness. I'm about to call Aunt Mitzi, since I imagine today is rough for her. She really misses you.

I'm a total child when it comes to Christmas, but the excitement with which I dive into it these days feels different than when I was an actual child. The presents are lovely but I get so energized just by the spirit of the season. I don't care if you're Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim or a tree-worshipping Druid (are there other kinds of Druids?) - there's something about this time of year that's special. I had to run a few errands this morning and actually enjoyed it. Part of the pleasure was walkking around the stores singing along with the Christmas music and smiling at everyone, even striking up a few conversations. I met a young man at AJ's, clearly sufferibg from something like Down's Syndrome, who gave me a cheerful hello, and when I returned it, told me his name, his age, and offered me his hand, which I took, while giving him my own name. As his father ushered him along I heard him say, "I was making a friend!" Yes, Robbie, you were.

I forgot to tell you about Thanksgiving, which we spent with Ruthie and Bill - you'd have loved them, Mom, they're very real and warm people, but no BS allowed. Anyway, I kept insisting that I was going to bring something, and finally Ruthie said I should bring something from our own family's traditions - I consulted with Anne and she suggested a chocolate roll. This was perfect, as it really represented both sides of the family - your mother invented it and you kept it alive, and Dad loved it. So did Ruthie's guests! Mine aren't proper works of art but I think they pass taste tests.

I'm going to sign off now. Will try to keep up more regularly.

Love, always
Barbara

Dear Mom - Escape from Reality

Dear Mom,

Sorry I didn't get back to you right after the election, as promised, but I've been taking some time off from facing it. Which doesn't change anything, of course. We are still in a state of madness or, more properly, the State of Arizona. People voted, for the most part, in a state of fear, which I rarely find useful. We did manage to save two very good Congresspeople, but so narrowly that it was worrisome. I mean, when you have an opponent who wants to eliminate the corporate tax, install a Value Added Tax, and completely eliminate the US Dept. of Education and all federal money for education - at a time when your state ranks #49 in education - and he almost wins, what do you make of that?

Still... when I called Anne election night to congratulate her on Andrew Cuomo's victory in the Gubernatorial race, she pointed out that in the long run, nothing much is going to change in our day to day lives, and the more I thought about that, the more sensible it seemed. It doesn't mean we shouldn't vote, or that we shouldn't try to effect change, it just means the world is highly unlikely to end tomorrow, no matter how lunatic the fringe.

And I find that oddly reassuring.

Jerry Brown was elected Governor of California again. Everything old is new again.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - T-Shirt

Dear Mom,

Saw a t-shirt today that made me want to call you:

"I like cats, but I can't eat a whole one myself"

Talk to you tomorrow, after the election.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - The Dead Psychic Octopus

Dear Mom,

As you may or may not have heard, Paul the Psychic Octopus has died. No, really. He evidently predicted all the World Cup matches last year, including Spain's surprise final win over the Netherlands. German soccer clubs are reported to be 'devastated' by his death.

I am not making this up.

Nor am I making up the prevalent political climate, with the founder of the World Wrestling Foundation running - credibly - for Senate in Connecticut, another Senate candidate (this one in Utah) questioning whether 'separation of church and state' actually appears in the First Amendment to the Constitution, the baby daddy of Sarah Palin's grandchild musing for the press about whether he'll vote Democrat or Republican (he also considered running for Mayor of Palin's hometown, I guess on a Platform of 'why not the jerk?')...

But Anne and I are convinced that our states are currently the most insane. She got in a good one, when she referred me to the NY Gubernatorial debate. The Republican candidate took a quick bathroom break in the middle - just walked offstage. One candidate seems to be running on the simple platform of 'Rent is too high'. Which even Andrew Cuomo agreed is true. Then there's Kristin Davis (no relation to the very pretty actress who used to be in "Sex and the City," which you never watched anyway) Ms. Davis, running as an 'independent', is a former madam. She got most of the laughs, including when she answered a question about the MTA by pointing out that she only kept one set of books for her brothel, and her customers got on time service.

I still think Arizona wins. This may be the only state where even the Tea Party may not be radical enough, where raping the education and child services systems is accompanied by calls to destroy the Department of Education, where the Republican candidate for Treasurer was responsible for the widespread failure of a number of regional Coldstone Ice Cream franchises, and where the opposition to our sitting Congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords, likes to refer to her almost exclusively as 'Gabby' in a condescending tone. Where the current state head of Education, tom Horne, runs for Attorney General so that he can continue his focused, personal attacks on the Tucson Unified School district and anyone else who has the nerve to have an Ethnic Studies program. Where the Governor rants about 'beheadings in the desert' and, when told it's a myth, simply continues her endorsements of racist profilings and raids - and, when someone questions her health, has her spokesman say, "That's not relevant, she's fine, and by the way, Terry Goddard's gay!" Which... does it even matter that he's not?

Saw a bumper sticker the other day: "Don't Criticize Someone Till You've Walked a Mile In Their Shoes: That Way You're a Mile Away and Have Their Shoes". It seems right for the times.

My Victorian/Edwardian proposal cleared a major hurdle - the Curriculum Committee unanimously approved it, with special praise for its 'professionalism'. It felt good.

Through a loopy series of coincidences I was put back in touch with Peter Williams, who you may or may not remember from our New Bern days. He was a very sweet, intelligent, artistic young man who hung around the store, helped out when needed, and bought a wide range of books. Now he's married, teaching writing and film courses in Pittsburgh, and just as sweet and smart. It was a joy to catch up with him. I told him you had died and he was terribly sorry - remembered you well. When I mentioned that you had always liked him, he laughed and said, "Thanks... when it came to your mother, I was never sure if she did."

I told him we all felt that way sometimes!

Love,
b

Dear Mom - Political Nihilism? Or Just More Nuttiness?

Dear Mom,

Further signs of the oncoming apocolypse - or maybe just random awfulness or silliness: First of all, understand that in Arizona, we looove our ballot initiatives. There's always several to consider, and plenty more that don't make it because of insufficient valid signatures or other matters of parliamentary procedure. This year they range from a proposition to legalize medical marijuana to one that regularizes the succession process when a governor does not complete a full term - something that, for some reason or another, happens an awful lot here. In the last thirty years or so, three governors were removed for illegal or corrupt activity, and two left to take on other jobs - most recently Gov. Janet Napolitano was asked to become Pres. Obama's Director of Homeland Security. (I would think it's hard to say 'no' to the President of the United States). It happens that in Arizona there's no Lieutenant Governor - if the Governor 'cannot complete his/her term', the Secretary of State steps up. Which is fine, except for two things - you end up without a Secretary of State for at least some period of time and, more crucially, the Secretary of State, for some reason, is almost never from the same party as the Governor! This is, in fact, our current situation, with the lovely Jan Brewer. Just about everyone on both sides of the political spectrum agrees that it would be a good idea to regularize this situation.

But wait, don't order/vote yet! There's a couple of other points in the proposition that are giving some of us pause. 1) the Secretary of State position would basically cease to exist, with its actual duties parcelled out to other offices. 2) Any Gubernatorial candidate on the state ballot would also have to have a Lt. Governor of the same party. This has created quite a storm, and accusations that the backers of the proposition are trying to stifle third party activity, since often smaller parties have trouble coming up with such a candidate. The other POV here is that if you can't find someone to run for LT Governor, maybe you're not ready for the big time...? Anyway, it's a mess.

But that's not the reason for the heading on this letter. The other day I was driving to work when I saw the usual array of signs along the road: Vote for Him, Keep Her in Office, Vote for This Proposition or Face a Lonely Death, Send That Proposition Back to Hell Where It Belongs, etc... when I saw a new one: Vote NO on All Ballot Propositions.

Just Say No. Not to drugs. To everything! Whatever they propose, say no to it. It does have the advantage of efficiency. And I have to admit, some of them are pretty bad - the ones giving the State Government the power to raid early education and public land funds to balance the budget - while some are just silly. But No to Everything? Pre-emptively? That's pretty nihilistic.

Or maybe just politics as usual in our fair state!

Love,
b

PS. Reading a book you'd have loved - Queen Consorts, which traces British History through the political, personal and social/cultural impact of every Queen Consort from William the Conqueror's Matilda (btw - lots of Matildas in medieval history - to Elizabeth of York's marriage to Henry VII.

Dear Mom - Nothing Interesting

Dear Mom -

Haven't written for awhile because there was nothing going on that I felt would interest you. I've kind of blown it with Carolyn - some mistakes, some misinterpretations, some things that fed into her own deeply held insecurities - and she isn't speaking to me, has told me to leave her be, she doesn't want to see me or hear from me - so I'm puzzling over how to convince her that I do love her, that I do want to do better, without disrespecting her wishes. I know you don't care about any of this, but you do care about me, so... I'll move on though. Oh, and I am evidently in trouble with Aunt Mitzi for not calling her on Yom Kippur Eve. I don't call anyone on Yom Kippur Eve! If I happen to be talking to someone that day I do wish them a comfortable and spiritually satisfying observance, but... we all know I'm one of the world's worst Jews. Why would that change?

Just read that Fyvush Finkel is doing a one man show in NYC. I thought of you immediately, because you did like him, and not just for his name! But the big entertainment news of interest to you is... Neil Diamond is on the nominations list for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! Frankly, I don't know why he wasn't selected ages ago, and no, I'm not sucking up (How do you suck up to the dead, anyway?)

Work is going very well. A couple of highlights: In Tudor/Stuart England one student asked me if Catherine Howard was "really a sleazebucket"? I told her that while CH was uneducated, unsophisticated and about as ready to be Queen Consort as my dog, not to mention having been barely raised, rather, left to run wild, she seemed to be absent any malice or calculation and therefore was more 'ninny' than 'sleazebucket'. And in Holocaust Studies I have a wonderful mix of students from all sorts of backgrounds - Fundamentalist Christian to Reform Jew to Agnostic and Exploring - who are remarkably open and eager.

So, with a few glitches in the road, things are going okay. I do wish that some of the people who love me also had respect for me - you would think that the two would be intertwined but it isn't always so.

Oh well. As Kurt Vonnegut Jr used to say, "So it goes..."

Love,
b

PS, The guy who invented the Segway died yesterday - evidently he rode it off a cliff or something. Weird but true.

Dear Mom - No Flowers Necessary

Dear Mom,

Kevin McCarthy died yesterday, at the age of 96, and, to answer your inevitable response, no, you don't have to send flowers.

Remember that he was one of my very first crushes as a girl (somewhere in there with Robert Vaughn during 'Man From UNCLE') You joked once or twice that this was probably why I tended to like older men, though when I settled down, it was with partners who were slightly younger. Reality is sometimes weird and unpredictable, isn't it?

Anyway, my weekend was spent doing things that wouldn't interest you, and my lecture today - on Sumeria, Babylonia and other Ancient Civilizations - was less than my best, so I'll make this short.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - Come on, Now!

Dear Mom,

So, I know I'm not the perfect daughter, and I talk about stuff you don't really care about, but honestly... last night I wrote you in a heartfelt way, commemorating a holiday that we both love, and what happens? That very night I have a terrible nightmare and you're in it, and angry with me.

So what gives? What am I doing or not doing?

Your confused - and tired - daughter,
Barbara

Rosh Hashanah

Dear Mom,

So it's our New Years Eve, and I made my challah yesterday - not one of my best, but a challah, so there's that - and now I'm waiting for Myke to get back from school so we can observe together.

I was talking about Jewish holidays last night during my Holocaust class - not in any great detail because the lecture is perilously close to running behind the readings, but I was giving them an overall grounding in Jewish history and culture because how can you begin to understand what happened if you don't understand the people to whom it happened, and why they were 'selected'? Anyway, that got me remembering, and then later I was telling our friend Ruthie about our family traditions, and how you made it a family thing, a series of rituals that were given meaning, in part, by the way the family fathered together to enact them.

You were never 'religious' in the conventional sense, although in your own way very spiritual - I remember referring to you as an 'atheist' and you corrected me. You believed in God - or at least in some sort of Superior Being - but weren't comfortable with most organized religions. And, like me, you had a distrust of extremes and extremists.

But Rosh Hashanah and Passover, in particular, were very meaningful to you. I'll never forget the time that, after we'd been deeply estranged for most of a year, I called to ask about the New Year. You were cool - as you'd been for awhile - and said you weren't doing anything special, no big meal or studied observance, but if I wanted to come up from New Jersey, that would be fine, but you weren't extending yourself and you weren't planning on cooking. After stewing for awhile I came to understand - with some help from Jonathan, of all people - that you needed to know that when the chips were down I might be willing to jump through a hoop or two for you, rather than always expecting it to be the other way around. Could I do that? I decided I could. So I called you up and said sure, I'd come, and I'd provide dinner. We arranged for me to meet you at the DMV and we'd go back to your place together.

Well, you came back from lunch soon after I got there, and introduced me around - you'd been there for years but it was my first time visiting you at work - and were able to take off early. We stopped for me to pick up the things I needed for dinner and you added a couple of staples to my basket, and as I went to pay for them you pressed a couple of bills in my hand - more than the cost of what you were getting. When I tried to give you change you waved me away irritably. As we continued to walk, you said you needed to stop in the bakery, where you bought a challah, and the liquor store for wine. "I thought you weren't making a fuss," I said, and you said, "It's Rosh Hashanah. We have to have wine. And bread."

We talked while I cooked, about things I don't remember, and things I remember precisely and well. Jonathan joined us when he got out of work. When we left, I felt the thaw had started. Which it had. Happy New Year indeed. We were all written in the Book of Life for another year, and some years after that.

I miss you. I love you. Those things never change.

b

Dear Mom - Technology and its Deeper Meanings

Dear Mom -

I got my Kindle, finally. Ive downloaded about thirty free titles so far, most of them classic lit, but some offbeat books that looked interesting, too. And why not, when they're free? The Kindle is lightweight, easy to use, and while not everything I want is available, they do have a stated goal of 'everything'.

This got me musing - always dangerous - about the new technologies and what they do for us, not to mention what they say about us. The Kindle is about convenience - being able to cart hundreds, maybe thousands of books around on a slender device you can pop into your purse, saving space in your home, your luggage... remember how when I travelled more, my carry on bag was always full of books? Now I can travel light - and if I run out of things to read, a click will get me the next book in a minute or less!

Very nice. But, as one of my pet philosophies of life has it, everything is a trade off. You and I could never have gotten Middle Street off the ground today. It was hard enough, competing with the big chains, then the online vendors, now we'd be competing with eReaders as well. And I'd be a traitor! So society as a whole is starting to lose something precious in the name of convenience. It's called progress, and I'm not one for caves and outdoor plumbing, but I do know it comes at a price.

Ok, I've been sufficiently gloomy. Off to put together another Power Point, and then clean the study.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - Primary Week (And Emmy Fashions, Too!)

Dear Mom,

Well, we had our primaries this past week, and things are no less nutty than before. A tea partier, who believes that as we recover from a devastating economic recession the solution to our problems lies in putting Social Security into the stock market, defeated a relative moderate for the Republican nomination. This may actually provide a boost to the incumbent, Gabrielle Giffords, who may attract those Republicans who look at the Tea Party a bit warily, as in, hoping they're not as cracked as some of their loudest members would seem. (I actually think there is some rational basis for the Tea Party anger, but as with most such movements, founded in intensity, the extreme elements and exploiters take over and make it look radical and not a little crazy).

We're losing our capable, honest Attorney General, who got the Democratic nod for Governor (his name is Terry Goddard and he looks like a guy who needs a couple of good meals)As it stands now we don't know who the Democratic nominee will be, but the Republican slot went to the former State head of the Education Department, who has declared open warfare against the Tucson Unified School District for its Ethnic Studies Program, which he feels fosters hate and separatism. I think it fosters an interest in and appreciation for the many contributions of Americans of all colors, faiths and backgrounds, but I'm not the one who was in a position to have the State Legislature pass - and the Governor sign - a statewide bill penalizing school districts who have such programs.

Sen. McCain was considered highly vulnerable at the beginning of 'campaign season', yet easily defeated his only major challenger, another Tea Party favorite named JD Hayworth, who lost, I believe, because while McCain was portrayed as hypocritical and past his prime, Hayworth came across with the integrity and honor of a snake oil salesman. Not saying either picture is true, just going by the ads I so earnestly try to avoid. Now McCain faces a Tucson City Council member named Rodney Glassman whose chances are right up there with the Winter Olympics being awarded to Hell.

On a lighter note, the Emmy Awards were this weekend (I know how heartbroken you must have been to miss them!) and I thought of you during several WTF fashion moments. One woman wore something made of bright blue fabric discs that flared out in various directions; another looked like her chest was covered with a giant black and white cookie. There was a man in a silver grey tuxedo and another in strange shades of blue and violet (though maybe my tv needs color adjustment). I'm not specifying names because you would only tell me you never heard of any of these people and in this case I think you would be right.

Donovan Juan dropped my class. Think he was worried about my sense of humor?

Anne still worries that I don't write you enough. She could write, too... I'm just saying...

But honestly, I'll try to write more often.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - More Politics

Dear Mom,

Lots of political posturing going on all over the country. Here in Arizona - state of sorrow, state of crackpot extremism, state that hates education - everyone's jostling to see who can come across as toughest on illegal immigration and 'protecting the border'. A major theme of the Senate campaign is 'taking on the Federal Government', 'fighting the Federal Government' and 'willing to do what the Feds won't do', with all in turn forgetting that the US Senate is a branch of the very same Federal Government. I've come to understand your final disillusionment with the whole process. But I refuse to give in completely. I'm still actively engaged, and hoping for better.

A recent boiling point has a Muslim group building a Community Center two blocks from Ground Zero. Needless to say, there is a lot of heat. I said on Facebook that I felt this was a good opportunity to establish that we meant it when we said we weren't at war with mainstream Islam. This created quite a stir among my friends, who come from a wide range of political persuasions. Then Anne - who sends love and thinks I should write you more often - brought up the following point, which I also added to the Facebook debate: If two blocks away from Ground Zero is insensitive, would three blocks be less so? Four? Twenty-four? Outside New York City? Where do we draw the line? And what of the mosque that is within the Pentagon? Is that insensitive?

We almost went on a mini-vacation to Santa Fe but couldn't quite schedule it. So we're settling for a day trip to Tubac, an art colony nearish the border (the one everyone is yelling about). Will let you know how it goes - it sounds like something you would have enjoyed.

Till next time, love,
b

Dear Mom - Name of the Week

Dear Mom,

While checking my class registration lists - we start in two weeks - I noticed a new student in my Tudor/Stuart England class. His name is Donovan Juan. Do you think anyone calls him Don? (Needless to say I will not laugh if that turns out to be the case).

Anne asked me why I didn't tell you that Kasey and Carolyn broke up - I told her I figured Aunt Mitzi would do it. Anyway, they did. They have shared custody of me. Jokes aside, I'm not being middled, neither is asking me to take sides.

Back to my PowerPoint constructions. Trying to make Henry VII visually interesting.

Love,
b

I Am A Muse (And You, No Doubt, Are Amused)

Dear Mom,

Yesterday was President Obama's birthday and the Senate, as expected, gave him Elena Kagan on the Supreme Court. There are now three women on the Court, a lifetime total of four. Kind of wild, considering the first woman was put on the bench less than thirty years ago.

I sometimes think I should have started this project a couple of years ago. So many times I wanted to call you during the 2008 campaign - the surging force of the Obama and Clinton candidacies, the nomination of Obama, the last great speech by Teddy Kennedy, McCain's selection of Sarah Palin, the historical election night - I think you probably heard my scream wherever your ashes float - and the inauguration. But here and now are where we are, so... moving on.

M is getting ready to finish summer session next week. Her final project for her Darkroom class is supposed to be a narrative series of mounted photos, so she decided to do it on Sabbath Dinner - my preparations, the set table, the lighting of the candles, etc. She says I'm her muse! I actually think it's the dog, but it's still very sweet of her to say so. The dog is actually more photogenic. (I know, I know, you do not want to hear about it...)

Carolyn and Kasey and I have formed a Supper Club - rotating courses, trying new things. First meeting is a week from Sunday, with Kasey claiming the entree - Chinese spare ribs. I'm trying out a recipe for Chinese Almond Torte, and Carolyn is making corn souffle. M has offered to work for food. They're thrilled to get a willing dishwasher, so everyone's happy. In spite of her tensions and differences with Carolyn particularly, M is very pleased to be part of this, and I'm pleased that she's pleased.

Okay, I've talked about the dog, about Kasey and Carolyn, you are probably getting irritated...

My contracts for fall semester came in and I signed, of course. I have eighteen students signed up for the new Tudor/Stuart course! I've completed my first Powerpoint presentation for it, and think I managed to make sense out of the Wars of The Roses. A friend looked over the Powerpoint, and said, 'it's really pretty', lol.

Speaking of flowers, there's irises popping up around the apartment decor. I never see one without thinking of you. Also thinking of you while watching the miniseries "Pillars of the Earth", which deals with the building of a medieval cathedral. You'd have liked it if you had the patience for it.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - A Rant (Not at You)

Dear Mom,

As you probably didn't already know, former Vice President Gore was questioned about accusations of sexual assault in Oregon. Because he and Tipper had just announced that they would divorce, and because of his overall image as an upright-to-the-point-of-mockery kind of guy, it's been getting an enormous amount of play. Naturally, the religious right points to it as an example of liberal immorality and hypocrisy (hey, wouldn't want them to have the monopoly on hypocrisy, would we?) And indeed, if he did commit a sexual assault, who would care about his reputation, his career, his Nobel Prize, etc? Then today there was a small item in the waay back of the paper, noting that the Multomah County District Attorney had decided there was no justification for moving forward, that the former VP was, in fact, cleared of the charges. The DA listed some of the reasons. End of story.

Reason for rant - the original charges were up front and prominent in the paper, but the news that he was cleared was pushed to two column inches in the back, a page or two before "Dear Abby" and the local obituaries. I don't care whether it's Al Gore or John Smith. When someone is accused of a serious crime, especially the kind that ruins lives and reputations, if they are cleared, that should get as much press attention as the original charges.

End of rant. Talk to you soon.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - Joanie's Gone

Dear Mom,

Anne called earlier to tell me that she found an 'In Memoriam' listing for Joanie Farrow in the high school alumni bulletin. A little research later, we found out that she had, in fact, passed away several years ago. She had married that guy she brought to North Carolina and they did move there as they had said they might. We still don't know the cause of death, but Anne agreed that if it wasn't a direct result of her old problems, it was probably an indirect one. She was only 57...

I know you're not remotely surprised, and I don't even know if you're that sad. Being me, my mind drifts to the great times, the crazy stories... Christmas morning, Joanie arriving with a big basket of gifts, joining you at the coffee... all those plays she treated me to, my first time at Sardi's... at some party or another at the house, her decision to give me my first driving lesson, and running her car into a snowbank because she was drunk. You weren't sure which one of us to kill, quite similar to the time I had the opportunity to treat her to the theater - Richard Burton in Equus - which turned into lunch with drinks, post-matinee drinks, dinner with drinks, and her getting us tickets to see Katharine Hepburn on Broadway (terrible play, but... Hepburn!) and then closing down Joe Allen's while I fed quarter after quarter into the best jukebox ever... she drove us both home and you were furious. I think I escaped execution only because I was younger - though not too young to know better - and because to this day I can count the times I've gotten really drunk on one hand.

I was mad at you when Joanie decided not to come to my wedding (because her father would be there with his new wife) but eventually realized I was really angry with her, for choosing her wounded feelings over such an important day for our family. Wounded was, in fact, a good word for her all along. Her story is one of sadness and waste, of anger and hurt, but also of generosity, warmth, imagination and impulse.

I love her. I know you do, too.

Again, no jokes today. I haven't lost my sense of humor, just... put it aside a little.

Love,
b

Dear Mom - Dreams, Politics and the Kindle Debate

Dear Mom,

I had two really great dreams last night. One dealt with reincarnation and a "Lost"-like waystation at the end, and the other... you and I were sharing a house and computer space, and discussing where to put things, and simple domestic stuff like when to shower, and at one point I said I actually liked doing my work in the same room as you and you smiled...

I am debating getting a Kindle. To which I can imagine you asking "WTF is a Kindle? Does it have anything to do with firewood?" And I would explain what it was until you cut me off and said you weren't that interested in the details. You actually would have benefitted from one near the end, when you couldn't balance hardcover books in bed anymore, but wanted to read the latest stuff from your favorite writers.

One of the things I miss most is talking politics and social issues with you - though Carolyn is very, very good at it! All that debate team experience, plus having a sense of humor I understand all too well... we have a governor and state house that have to be seen in action to be believed. It isn't that they're conservative - although they are! - it's that they're taking positions that don't make sense to me, and digging in their heels. They're dismantling education, blaming illegal immigration for everything from crime to the bad economy to the weak monsoon rains to... well you get it. They also lie - a lot. I remember how disillusioned you became by politics and I want to stay engaged, but it's hard. Everyone's concerned with one thing - making the other side look as bad as possible - and no one seems to remember what we're here for. The President of the United States is referred to as the 'enemy'. Have we lost all perspective?

I have found a conservative columnist I really like and respect - Kathleen Parker, She doesn't demonize, she doesn't lie, she makes her case and is willing to take on her own 'people' as she feels necessary. And Gail Collins - more liberal, just as honorable, IMO - is still funny and revealing.

I found lobster bisque. It isn't as good as Legal's - what is? - but it's pretty good. I'm using it for a pasta sauce tonight. Yes, I still eat too much pasta.

No jokes today - can't think of any - but tomorrow's another day, Scarlet!

Love,
b

Dear Mom #1

I won't ask how you are - dead nearly four years and probably not much is happening.

My life is moving forward. Not only would you have wanted this, you would have insisted on it and been angry with me in your sarcastic, controlled way if it wasn't so. I miss the sarcasm, by the way. I find myself slipping into it more and more, in my own encounters. In fact, I think I'm starting to turn into you. Carolyn asked me if this was a good or bad thing and I said I think it's just a 'thing'. No value judgment needs apply.

I'm like you now in that I've gotten heavy - but I'm working on that. My face seems squarer, like yours, my glasses thicker, my expressions sometimes reminiscent... but I'm still me. I let my teeth go to hell, but now I've fixed them, which you never got a chance to do. I am getting a little more cynical, but fighting it. I'm still a redhead, and often remember you saying, "Redhaired or redhanded, I love you."

I'm teaching, finally. Started as a public school substitute - which you would have found truly funny - and now an adjunct instructor for the history department at the local community college. I have so many stories for you. My students are amazing, my classes so much fun... I created a course in Tudor/Stuart England and it was accepted. I teach it for the first time this fall! I know you found that era boring - you preferred the middle ages. Well, guess what? When I'm teaching Western Civilization I, I get into those units, too. And think about you and how you might have seen the material.

M and I are still going strong, celebrating 17 years this past February. Some people tell me that you didn't really like M, you were just being a good mother. But while I do think you were a good mother, I believe you really cared for M. She's gone to school to study the arts, especially photography, which is transforming her life.

We have a dog. You'd have lots of fun mocking us, because we anthromorphize the hell out of Banjo. However, I remember catching you unawares on one of your visits to us in Boston - or was it DC? You had expressed disdain for the cats the night before - and don't think I don't remember that you used to send us recipes and uses for a dead cat - but in the morning I came out to the balcony to ask if you wanted coffee, and you were saying to one of the cats, "You'd better listen to me - I'm your Grandmother!"

I'll be doing this from now on - or trying to - whenever something happens that makes me say 'I've got to call Mom and tell her' - just before I remember that I can't anymore. If there's an afterlife, do you think it includes internet access?

Love,
Barbara